Happy 1st Birthday Raegan!

One?!

How has it been only one year when you have so fully made me who I am today? You've brought out the best in me, in my mamahood.  You're shaping our family into something of my dreams and each and every one of us are more in love with you than you know.

I knew this having kids thing was going to be good, wonderful even.  But spectacular, tear-inducing-at-the-thought-of-them, tiring and exhilarating, something I could never... ever... ever... imagine my life without, well, that was something I wasn't expecting. This having kids thing has been more than I ever dreamed it would be, and I couldn't let a special “one” birthday slide by without celebrating it. This “one” that has seemed to escape our grasp so quickly, and yet I can hardly remember life before her. The daily changes that remind us to take our time and walk a little slower because babyhood is seeping through the cracks.

It's not unlike trying to hold water in my hands... it trickles and seeps no matter how tight my grip, no matter how hard I try and hold on.  She's trickling.

I know that I have so much to learn and so much growing to do right along with you, but for right now, Raegan, I'll smile and enjoy your body molded across mine, inhale your scent and once again, commit it to memory. I'll hold on and embrace the ride until your babyhood trickles through my fingers and we have a new stage of life to enjoy together... but know that no matter what age or what stage of life we're in, I'll always love you.

And I can never get over it. This loving having babies thing... this loving having YOU thing.  I'll never be able to shake the feeling of adoration toward babyhood, and I've been falling harder and harder for you each day as I watch you grow. I watch the intensity in your eyes as you soak up your brother dancing his way across the floor, and then your legs start a kickin' as you mimic those rockin' moves. I smile when your mouth parts it's way open as you talk your baby gibberish in an effort to sing your own song.

And even though it seems like just a moment ago I had you swaddled up tight, you're becoming quite the little mover and shaker... crawling through the mazes of furniture and hallways, pulling up on just about everything. Every time I set you down you lurch onto all fours and crawl your way in a mad dash to whatever is in sight, faster than any time we've clocked before.

And yet, with all of this development, you're still my baby, all eighteen pounds of you as you settle into pure contentment in the crook of my arm. And I cherish it. Every last drop of it. I savor my time with you, in the magic of babyhood and the wonder of toddler beauty to come!

 

Happy First Birthday Raegan!