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"Your day will go the
way the corners of your mouth turn."
Here it comes. I'm sitting down to write now with Ayden dreaming in the
slanted late fall evening, and I'm just going to let it flow. I'm not sure
exactly what will come out or what I'll type, but I do know this, it will be
real. Real life. It's easy in this culture to share, and to over share. And
though I don't always like to "air my laundry" per se, I like to be
real. I love to meet people who inspire me and hope to inspire others as we all
live this life together, and share. Share our ups and downs, share joys and
fears. And this space here? While I share stories we've tried and loved and sayings
that Ayden proclaims, it's also a place for me to sort thoughts and emotions,
to fold them and knead them until something beautiful happens. Until everything
mixes together and after some time and some heat, what's pulled out in the end
is a delicate balance of hard edges that are made better by a soft and tender
center.
So I'm about to share, and mix in thoughts and feelings, and in the end we may
have a mess or we may have the perfect loaf to share together. Let's see.
(End of a very long
disclaimer.)
It was the perfect setting for the announcement, just before April Fool’s Day
the one test I took gleamed with pink lines. Two of them. I cried and I smiled.
I felt my stomach and said hello to the little gift of life that I had the
privilege to carry. I'd been extremely tired, and now I was so happy to be
tired. Car rides made me queasy, and now I welcomed the queasiness. Well, some of it!
I marvel at the beauty of women's bodies, at the way just a seed can bloom into
life and grow. How our bodies become nutrient centers and give life to
something, to someone, that otherwise couldn't sustain it.
Plans were already being laid. December 2nd, 2012 already had a countdown
running with apps on our phones and a check mark on the calendar, and the
thought of a winter baby had the corners of my mouth turned up.
We prayed and we rested and we know that this isn't the end, not even close,
but rather the beginning of the rest of our story, of our family's story. We're
so blessed!
I'm strengthened in knowing that with all of the disappointments in life there
are many opportunities for joy and excitement, for fresh starts and new
chapters. And though some days may begin with the corners of my mouth turned
down, I know it doesn't have to stay that way. All it takes sometimes is a
little smile, a small step, the beginnings of a grin... and it grows.
But those are the days where the seed of a contagious, and somewhat sarcastic,
smirk turns into something more, and as the corners of my mouth turn up, so
does my day.
We are doing beautifully, we are living in sweet peace and our smiles have been
jumpstarted by the outpouring of generous texts, calls, gifts, emails and hugs
from friends and family.
I feel loved, I feel blessed and deep down I know, this really is in fact the
beginning. The beginning of the rest of our story... a new chapter. And I will
start it with turning the corners of my mouth up.