Ayden
How are we here?! I cannot believe this day has arrived. The
little boy who made me a mother, who created so much joy in our world and
caused me years of grief with his beloved iron will is now 18, all grown up and
making final preparations for his impending flight from the nest. This day, years ago when you were born, felt like a
goal line way off in the distance. Today, you are no longer a child, but
a man. That’s hard for me to wrap my mind around, given it seems like
just a few days ago you were just a little boy, running up to me for a hug with
your sweet little voice and boundless energy.
Months, not years, are all that I have left before the
dynamic of our family morphs into something that I cannot yet fully grasp. And
I have feelings: lots of big feelings.
I remember well the day that you joined our family, a
perfect little bundle of joy. While I was young, inexperienced, and naive, I
could not have been happier to hold you in my arms and dream about what you
would grow up to become.
It was apparent from day one that you came to this earth with a mind of your own. You were perceptive beyond measure. You knew how you wanted things and refused to accept anything less, especially from yourself.
With your innate perfectionistic tendencies and
intelligence that were manifested within the first few months your life, I knew
that I would have my hands full. You initially gave me a run for my money and
caused me to question what I could possibly teach you (because you thought you
already knew everything) and how I would ever be able to help you mold your
stubborn persistence into something worthwhile. Parenting
you has been the ride of a lifetime filled with unconditional love, laughter,
joy, fear, frustration, and tears for both of us. I’ve worried about so
many things, if I was doing what was best for you, do you know everything we
were supposed to instill in you? Did I pray for you enough? Hug you
enough? Say how proud I am of you enough? Discipline and say no
enough? Do the right things to keep you safe? Take you on enough
adventures? I know you can cook for yourself and change a tire, but did I
forget anything important….? I worry about these things. But the
reality is, that when I look up at you towering over me, I see a man I am so
very proud of. A man of faith created by means of being humble, having
character, compassion, courage, and loyalty. Your values may not always
be popular, but stand by them, there’s honor and respect for those who stand up
for what they believe in.
There were many days when I secretly questioned God’s decision to send you to me because I felt so unqualified to teach you how to behave, let alone how to become a contributing member of society. But, many times, when I was at my wit’s end and had no idea how I was going to get up and carry on the next day, I would hear whisper in my ear, reminding me of your potential and the stature of your spirit:
“You can’t see it now, but this child is going to do
incredible things. I sent him to you with a strong will because he will need it
to accomplish the mission that I have prepared for him. You have no idea how
lucky you are to be his mother.”
Those gentle reminders are what kept me going through the
long days that stretched into months and years.
While those early experiences with you are still etched
into my memory, they have been overshadowed in recent times with quiet
observations of your evolution to greatness. Your stubborn “I must always be
right and perfect” nature has softened into teachable humility.
Your tender heart that sees and reaches out to those who
are struggling, even when it requires great personal sacrifice, is nothing
short of inspiring.
Your intelligence blows me away, yet you do not let it go
to your head. I guess your head is already filled with things like engineering,
design, and calculus. While I’m sure you got most of your smarts from me, I
begrudgingly admit that some qualities definitely came from your daddy.
The work ethic that you have developed through passing Honors
and AP courses with flying colors (so far) is going to serve you in ways that
you cannot yet understand. And waking up (nearly) every day at 5:00 am, plus
two or three snooze hits, tells me more about your character than you realize.
Your patience with your little sister makes a huge difference
in our home. She is fortunate to have such a good example for a big brother.
Except when it comes to cleaning your bedroom. You might want to work on that
just a tiny bit, or a lotta bit. (Hint, hint)
I can say with 100% confidence that I feel blessed beyond
measure to be your momma. Watching your gradual transformation from baby and
toddler to humble, kind, and driven young adult has been one of the greatest
gifts of my life. I know I have not been a perfect mother; far from it. However,
I will be forever grateful for the blessing God gave me 18 years ago by sending
you to me.
I feel like I have often been more of a student than a teacher through this process. No matter what happens after you embark on your college adventure, do whatever it takes to keep that light that I see in you each day. It will lead you to accomplish amazing things. I am confident that you were born to lead and I can’t wait to see what you do with your immense talent and unlimited potential. While 18 years ago, today felt like the goal, but now that we’ve reached it together, I know that motherhood doesn’t stop here. I will continue to be an ear when you need one, a shoulder to lean on and a powerful source of prayer for you. I am so thankful to God for entrusting me with your life, your childhood, your heart. Those worries of teaching you right from wrong and all the necessary skills for life are important, but my biggest job as your momma has been to direct you back to Him. My hope is that you will seek Him in all the days of your adult life. Through beauty and pain, tears and joy, beginnings and endings. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths. ~Proverbs 3:6
Please know that I love you with all of my heart and will
always be here for you, no matter what. Happy 18th Birthday!!
