I’m exhausted. I don’t even know why. I don’t think it’s
physical, though. I think it’s more mental. I think there is more going on than
my mind was ever made to process. I just wanted you to know that this is hard
and you are not alone.
I’m also very cranky. I’m not especially proud of this one, but
it’s true. I’m giving so much to my family and work. I’m probably reading more
news than I should and I find myself scrolling on Facebook and I get angry at
all the people who are angry, and you know what? It’s not wonderful. I’m trying
to remember that it’s okay to feel moody, but it’s not okay to be a jerk, or to
lash out. So if you’re more annoyed than normal, I just wanted you to know that
this is hard and you are not alone.
I’ve never been more grateful for my family. I can’t believe I
get to do life with them. We are a team, and I love that they are mine and I am
theirs, but I am not sad when they go to bed. I’m sorry, but I am not. Bye Felicia.
So if you love your family, but sometimes you find yourself eating in the other
room because they all chew their food like beavers in a hot dog eating contest
and you can’t take it anymore, I just wanted you to know that this is hard and
you are not alone.
My house is a disaster, and it makes me cry. I’m not really a
material girl, and I don’t care about having the nicest things, but I didn’t
really sign up to be living in a dorm at the age of 40 either, but that is
where we are. Smack-dab in the middle of orientation. Drink a lot (3 gallons of milk a week). Jump on
stuff. Eat a bunch of snacks. Possibly wear pants, but they aren’t required.
Kids, I’m not folding these clothes. Nothing matters anymore, just dig for them
out of that pile over there. There is a 50% chance they’re clean, so that’s
good. I want to organize everything, and use this time to clean out closets and
wipe out junk drawers (that’s right. We have more than one), I really do, but like
I said, I’m spent. I don’t have the energy for that. Full-on survival mode over
here, there will be zero attempts of going above-and beyond right now. So if
cleaning feels like bathing a pig while it rolls around in the mud, I just
wanted you to know that this is hard and you are not alone.
I can’t think of a single area where I am not genuinely giving
it a good try. I’m working on my work. I’m working on being a patient mom. I’m
working on being a nice wife and not the kind who gets in a fight with her
husband about socks laying on the floor. I’m working on giving grace, keeping
my mouth closed, and not letting my emotions make me explode. I’m working on
keeping a good attitude and being strong. I’m working on not pressing enter and
posting that ugly comment. I’m working on showing up tomorrow better than I
showed up today. And still every night, I go to sleep and think “well, you
sucked. That wasn’t good enough by any means.” So if giving yourself grace
right now isn’t coming naturally, I just wanted you to know that this is hard
and you are not alone.
This is hard.
You are not alone.
But I’m still gonna choose to be proud of us in this moment.
Being a human has always been messy, but this is a brand new
thing, and when something is brand new and there is no playbook on how to
operate, of course it’s going to be a little like throwing a bunch of paint
into a blender.
Our kids, and our grandkids are going to ask us about this one
day, and we’re going to be able to smile and say “well we did it. We learned
and we grew and we changed. We pivoted, and we dug deep, and we stayed apart,
and we grew together, and we didn’t always like it, but we did it. Through
tears, and laughs and a whole lot of mistakes, we did it.”
Be good to others.
Be good to you.
Romans 5:3-5
